The business of gift-giving.

Ahhh, the pleasure of giving and receiving. So lovely and altruistic. But I think this loving gesture unfettered by obligation or appearances has been taken hostage by rampantly out of control, inflated gift registry-edged hysteria. And if there isn’t a whiff of gift registry in the air, then there’s heavy expectation – ooh, what did you get for your birthday, anniversary, baby, Christmas, engagement, dog shower?

I’ll back up a little here before the bile gets too messy to read.

There are two elements to gift-giving that really piss me off.

One. The Giving.

…the assumption that spending big on someone automatically renders the gift-giver more thoughtful, worthy, clued-up on what gift-giving is all about. We’ve all been there – I know I have. You show up at a party, the ‘star’ presents, usually label-heavy, are already lined up and displayed like kill after a gory session with Mr MasterCard. You smile a tight little smile and hand over your quaint, but thoughtful offering. And sure, you may hear a, ‘oh, sweet, thanks’ but it invariably gets pushed to the back of the display, if at all. And there’s an unmistakable stench of embarassment in the air.

Two. The Receiving.

So what could possibly annoy me about being on the receiving end of gifts? Shouldn’t I be grateful I’m even being gifted at all? Absolutely. And I am – of course. It’s just that – I DON’T NEED ANY MORE GENERIC CHOCOLATES, SHOWER GELS, HAND-TOWELS, SMELLY-anythings. 

I detest with a passion, the gifts that don’t even come close to who I am and what I love about life – generally given by people who simply can’t seem to be bothered to make the time to ask, fish for clues and dare I say it… spend time with me. 

Gift registries particularly grate. Yes it’s all about convenience. Yes it’s all about not giving the bride and groom, multiple toasters, vibrators blah. But once again, the whole thing smacks of business.

Surely, if you really, truly know the bridal couple, do you still need to be told what they want? Don’t give me a shopping list like I’m some inept, clueless guest. I can choose practical, thoughtful, imaginative, wanted gifts – give me a chance, please, can ya, will ya, huh?

It’s a business transaction.

Many moons ago, while on a bridesmaid gig, I was privy to a gift-opening session which went a little something like this…

Nouveau-riche mother of bride rips open an envelope. Out tumble ten crisp 50 dollar notes. Wow. Mother of the bride sniffs and says, ‘When their daughter got married, that’s what we gave them.’

A business transaction of the highest, confetti-strewn, order.

Sure, there’s a place for luxe gifts – I’ve given these and got ‘em too. A pleasure. But it’s not a default. I’m just as thrilled by a framed photo of my son as I am with a brand new, shimmering MacBook Air.

With the advent of gift vouchers and chocolates branded for every occasion, gift-giving has turned into a lazy, thoughtless to-do. And I admit it, I too have been tempted by gift cards or slipping yet another friggin’ box of Lindt all-sorts into some slick, shiny wrapping.

Perhaps this is the antidote…

The Cheap But Wanted (CBW) gift. CBWs are superb – both in terms of the challenge they present the gift buyer and the delight they bring to the gift receiver when they tear open the wrapping to reveal something they actually really, really, love, need, want – won’t re-gift next week.

CBWs are infinitely harder to buy because you actually have to THINK about the purchase before you slap down the plastic.

I know an affluent, loving couple who only buy each other CBWs for Christmas. Their budget? 5 dollars. Wow. Ya mean, true love doesn’t come packaged in a robin’s egg blue gift box tied with black ribbon?

Well, I’ll be wrapped.

© Phyllis Foundis 2010